Revers'd
by Faramir Fancier
Summary: The Sequel to The Great Role Reversal. I reccomend you read that one first or you won't understand. Well, as promised, here it is! The Two Towers done MY way! Read and review! Lots of humor and other stuff just for you!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Here it is! The first ever chapter of Reverse'd! Aren't you all happy? Whatever, perhaps you aren't. Ok, now on with the insanity...and an occasional insert by Aragorn, chillin' in Dead Jamaica, because he's cool...even in death. So, now that we've gotten that out of the way, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you...REVERS'D!!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf  
  
But you should know Aragorn is no longer with us...so later his name will be taken off the list. Enjoy!

* * *

**_Chapter One: The Maze and The Memory_**  
  
**/FLASHBACK/**  
  
"You shall not pass!!!!!!!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You shall not pass!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You!"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you!"  
  
"Shall not do what?"  
  
"Pass!"  
  
"Who's passing?"  
  
"Not you!"  
  
"Someone else?"  
  
"Anyone but you!"  
  
"Those little Orcs?"  
  
"No, those can't come either."  
  
"Can you come?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"A Party!!!"  
  
"I LOVE PARTIES!!!"  
  
"Ok, Wizard, come on!!!" And Sam and the Balrog tumbled down into who knows where and went to party...sure.  
  
"Sam!!!! Er, I mean...GANDALF!!!"  
  
** /UNFLASHBACK/**  
  
"Gandalf!" Legolas says.  
  
"What is it, Elfie?" Gimli asks, waking up.  
  
"Nothing...it was just a dream...a really freaky dream..."  
  
"Shut up and sleep."  
  
"You're cruel! However did you get the part of Sam?"  
  
"Say potato, you fat hobbit!" Gimli said.  
  
"What? I am NOT FAT! I am nicely shaped and have lovely curves!"  
  
"Oh, shut it, Elfie, and sleep!"  
  
Legolas goes back to sleep, muttering about injustice and other things.  
  
_Later on..._  
  
"I can't believe this! This stupid weather isn't working with my hair! The fog is flattening it! I can't believe this! Haven't we passed this rock? Aren't you a dwarf? Can't you drill under these rocks? What the heck are we doing here anyway?" Legolas says, ranting on and on.  
  
"Can't he shut up for one minute?" Gimli asks.  
  
"This cliff is too steep! Can't we level it off or something? If I rip my Elvish boots on these sharp crags, I will sue! This is not fair!" Legolas continues.  
  
"SHUT UP, LEGOLAS!" Gimli roars, as the very earth shakes.  
  
"EEP!"  
  
"Look, as long as we're in this together there are going to be some ground rules. One: don't complain about hair, nails, dirt, scum, whatever! Two: no whining about every little detail! Three: don't wake up screaming dead people's names when I'm sleeping! Four: just shut up!" Gimli says.  
  
"Sir, yes, sir!" Legolas says, scared to pieces of Gimli.  
  
"Good. Let's haul butt."  
  
_Later still..._  
  
"This looks like a lovely spot to camp...it would be better if it weren't so dirty..." Legolas whines.  
  
"RULE NUMBERS ONE AND TWO!!!" Gimli roars.  
  
"Sorry, sir!" Legolas says.  
  
"Go to sleep."  
  
As the two sleep, as far away from each other as possible, due to the fact that they both snore, a loud hissing is heard from above.  
  
"Filthy thievesss...ssstealing from me....evil!" Gollum says.  
  
"SNORK!!"  
  
"SNORRRRREEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
"Gosssh, they sssnoresss, too." Gollum says, wincing.   
  
"SNAAAK!"  
  
"SNORK!"  
  
"Eeeh...and I havesss to findsss the Ring? Grumble, ssstupid plot linesss..." Gollum says, climbing down the rock.  
  
"ARGH!!!" Gimli and Legolas scream, pulling Gollum down.  
  
"Howsss did they wakesss up ssso fassst?" Gollum screams.  
  
"Die, stupid creature!!!" Gimli yells.  
  
"AIIII!! HE MUSSIED MY HAIR!!" Legolas screams.  
  
"RULE NUMBERS ONE AND TWO!!!" Gimli yells, as he is busy fighting Gollum.  
  
"We can guidesss you to your dessstined location, we ssshall!" Gollum says.  
  
"What? You can get me to Sally's Hair and Nail Salon?" Legolas asks.  
  
"RULE NUMBER ONE!!!!"  
  
"Sorry, sir!"  
  
"Ok..."  
  
"I can takesss you to Mount Doom and Mordor, if yousss wantsss..." Gollum says.  
  
"Sure!" Legolas says.  
  
"Great, the Elfie trusts strangers, what's next?" Gimli mutters, looking skyward.

* * *

A/N: Like it? Next will have the other characters, not just Gimli and Lego and Gollum. Look for it soon!!! 


	2. Even more insanity!

A/N: Here's the second chapter! With an added twist, i.e. more people switching! So, check the plotline for these new switches!! I've taken Aragorn off, seeing as he's dead...but still in dead Jamaica, just so you know.

**Boromir** = Aragorn

**Frodo** = Gimli

**Gandalf** = Pippin

**Gimli** = Sam

**Legolas** = Frodo

**Merry** = Merry

**Pippin** = Legolas

**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Two: Even more people add to the insanity..._**

_In the Palace of Minas Tirith..._

"Ok, I'm sick and tired of being the Steward." Denethor moans.

"And I hate my position in Life!" Eomer says.

"I'm ssswitching, too..." Gollum says.

"I though you were with those other people!" Theoden says.

"Not any longer..." Gollum says.

"Me, too!" Eowyn says.

"Ok. Now we all want to switch places, right?"

"Right!"

"So let's put our names in a hat and whichever name we pull out is who we are!" Denethor says.

"Good idea!"

So Gollum, Denethor, Theoden, Eowyn and Eomer put their names in a hat.

"Hey, what about that kid of yours...Faramir?" Theoden asks.

"Him? I don't want him in this game!! What if he pulled out my name! It would be a disgrace!" Denethor screams.

"Sorry, sorry!"

So, everyone pulls out a name...

"What?? I'm Eowyn?" Denethor screams.

"Whoa...I'm Eomer!" Theoden says.

"I'm Theoden?" Eowyn asks.

"And I'm Denethor." Eomer says.

"That meansss I'm Gollum!! Hooray!!" Gollum says.

"Well, this should turn out interesting..." Theoden says.

"I got stuck as the girl! I can't believe my rotten luck..."

So this is what the new results were, with Faramir left out, probably for the good of things, the story becomes even more twisted...and everyone gets zapped to their new places.

_Meanwhile, with Boromir, Pippin, and Frodo..._

"Come on, Gimli! We're gaining on them!" Pippin says.

"I can't run this armor is heavy!" Frodo yells.

"Shut up!" Boromir says.

"Sorry, sir!" Pippin and Frodo yell.

"This is painful...all these arrows are jabbing my spinal cord!" Pippin whines.

"Can't you stop complaining for one moment??" Boromir asks.

"Hey, what's with that invisible line?" Frodo asks.

"That's Rohan. And that's where we have to go."

"Really?"

"Yep."

* * *

A/N: Hoped you liked it! Review, dearies!! Please? Here's the new list, with all the new people, soon to be added to the above list...

**Denethor** =Eowyn

**Eomer =** Denethor

**Eowyn =** Theoden

**Theoden =** Eomer

**Gollum =** Gollum


	3. Why you don't want to be stuck with Gand...

A/N: Ok, I'm back, so here we go with what else happened and other stuff!! And it's only after I make Denethor Eowyn that I remembered who married Faramir...(ME!) but nothing is going to happen like that, maybe I'll let her get killed afterall. We'll see...just expect lots of fights and other goodies! 

* * *

**_Chapter Three: Being Captured by Uruks is NOT a Vacation and Meeting the Rohirrim_**

_Tagging along with Merry and Gandalf (Pippin)_

"Where are we going?"

"Shut up, Merry, and let me think!"

"Sorry. You're so crabby! What's your problem?"

"The fact that Aragorn kind of died on us when we were about to be captured might have something to do with it."

"But we're going on vacation, right?"

"No, Merry. We're not coming back."

"So it's a permanent vacation?"

"No..."

"So it's retirement?"

"GAH!!! Stupid, irritating little hobbit! We're not going on a vacation or into retirement! We're being captured and taken away to possibly be killed! That's not a vacation!"

"So, this isn't vacation? We're going to die, is that what you're saying?"

"Yep."

"We gotta get out of here!"

"No, really?"

"Seriously! If we're going to die, that's not good!"

"ARGH!"

_Meanwhile, with Boromir, Pippin, and Frodo..._

"GONDOR!!! To THEEEEEEEEEEEEE I PLEEEEEEEEEEDGEEEEEEEEEEEE my ALEEEEEEEGIANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Boromir screams.

Pippin and Frodo cover their ears and shudder.

"GONDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! To THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE my ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGIANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Can he stop singing that?"

"Where the heck are we?"

"I think we're in Rohan, Pip."

"Oh."

They just make it across a valley and behind a couple of rocks when the Rohirrim, led by Theoden, pulls up.

"Riders of Rohan!" Boromir yells.

"Why did you do that?"

Theoden's group circles around the three companions.

"This is how you treat your guests? Gondor would be appalled." Boromir mutters.

"Shut up. What business does a man, a halfling and...another halfling have in the Riddermark?"

"Hey! I'm a dwarf, alright?" Frodo says.

"And I'm an Elf and he's some freakin' little short guy!" Pippin says.

"Why I oughtta..." Frodo and Pippin get into a terrible wrestling match and keep the entire Rohirrim amused for 30 minutes.

Theoden and Boromir are arguing about Gondor and Rohan and who's better.

"Ok, anyway, take us to the orcs."

"Boromir, dude, we totally slaughtered them!"

Flashback to slaughter of the orcs.

"STOP IT!! It's scary!"

"Gawd, Frodo, you're such a baby!"

"HAHAHAH!!!" From the Rohirrim.

"Anyway, just give us two horses and you can forget about us."

"Fine."

So Boromir and company (Ain't that a great name? Boromir and company!) went off to find Merry and Gandalf, who I conveniently left out of the Orc slaughter because I forgot and was too tired to think about it  
so this is what you get. Any questions?

* * *

A/N: Ok, look for more soon. I'm too tired to think and don't want to try, I might injure myself and that's not good. Because otherwise I go to the hospital and then there isn't a story! Scary! OOOH! Anyway, that's my life. 


	4. Boromir and Co Travel to Rohan!

A/N: So sorry, I've been alerted that I've been neglecting the use of the list, so for your help, here it is!! Enjoy the madness. Cost of admission: your sanity. _Aragorn: 'Support the ESL Petition!!_' see my webpage on freewebs for more detail!

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** = Gimli

**Gandalf** = Pippin

**Gimli** = Sam

**Legolas** = Frodo

**Merry** = Merry

**Pippin** = Legolas

**Sam** = Gandalf

**Denethor**: Eowyn

**Eomer**: Denethor

**Eowyn**: Theoden

**Theoden**: Eomer

**Gollum**: Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Four: Traveling to Fangorn Forest and other Stuff**_

"Ok, now that our good buddies are dead, pooh to the Rohirrim on that one, let's just go to Fangorn." Boromir says.

"Why, Boromir? They're dead, aren't they?" Pippin asks.

"But I feel that the original author of this story meant for it to be that way, so off we go!"

_Finally in Fangorn..._

"It's creepy over here..."

"Do you do anything but whine?"

"No, Boromir, I don't!"

"Frodo, you're such a baby!"

"I am NOT!!" Frodo screams.

"Are TOO!"

"ARE NOT!!"

"ARE TOO!"

"ARE NOT NOT NOT!!"

"ARE TOO TOO TOO!!"

"ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT!!!"

"ARE TOO TOO TOO TOO!!!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"MEEP! Sorry, Boromir, sir." Frodo and Pippin say.

"OK! Now that you've waken every living thing in these woods, I don't think I need to say that we're in mortal peril!"

"Boromir? Someone's coming..." Pippin says.

"Who?"

"Er, the white wizard?"

"GAH! Sauruman just had to come!"

"You know, he always rains on our parade!"

"Shut up, Frodo."

"Sorry."

Suddenly, a blinding flash, well, blinds the three companions and a rather squeaky voice says, "I've come for no apparent reason but don't shoot!!"

"Hey, that's not Sauruman!"

"Yeah! He's a stalker!!"

"No, you stupid hobbit. I'm Sam the Hobbit Wizard, I'm back, and I'm gonna kick ass!"

"Ooh! Go you!"

"Hey, is that any way to talk to your friend?"

"Who, you Gimli? I'm not really your friend..."

"No! I'm Frodo!!"

"Actually, some mad blonde creep is Frodo."

"So? I'm the real Frodo..." Frodo says, his lip quivering.

"Aww, poor baby." Boromir says sarcastically.

"You mean you don't...like me?" Frodo croaks.

"No, I hate you."

"WAHHHH!!"

"Wow, besides kicking arse, he's actually pretty mean."

"Hey, Gondor, I heard that!"

"My name is NOT GONDOR!! I am Boromir the Tall, the Fair, and the Bold!"

"Where'd you get that?"

"Lord of the Rings Pg. 407-408."

"What's that?"

"A lament for me!"

"You mean, for Aragorn."

"Oh, why does he get all the good songs???"

"Whatever..."

"Speaking of Gondor..."

"NO! STOP SINGING!!!"

Boromir waltzes through the woods singing the Gondorian National Anthem (See last chapter)

"It's gonna be a long road to Rohan."

"We're going to Rohan?" Boromir asks, stopping his beautiful singing.

"Yep, so don't worry about ol' Merry and Pippin, or Gandalf, they're fine and what not so don't worry. Let's go! We've got an Possessed King to Cure and a Woman's Heart to Break!"

"Who's doing this heart breaking?"

"None other than you, Boromir."

"Damn. I always get the weird parts. First Arwen the Airhead, now I have to break a heart? What if she's cuter than Arwen??"

"Er, your funeral."

* * *

A/N: OK, there it is!!!! EH! So, look for more random silliness and other pointless stuff in the EXCITING next chapter!!! Ok, and some weird Faramir ness, coming soon!!!


	5. Captured by Rangers, a Paranoid Faramir,...

A/N: You know, I always forget about Denethor being Eowyn...but that makes it even better! (Evil laughter) Ok, so we're checking in with Frodo and Sam momentarily (Leggy and Gimli) and then we're going to Edoras for some craziness!! YAY!!! And Faramir! A Faramir who is seriously disturbed and needs some help...and a supportive ranger (I appear for about 2 sentences of words. Fret not!) For clearing up...left column is the character and the right column is who the person on the left is playing.

**Boromir=** Aragorn

**Frodo** = Gimli

**Gandalf** = Pippin

**Gimli** = Sam

**Legolas** = Frodo

**Merry** = Merry

**Pippin** = Legolas

**Sam** = Gandalf

**Denethor**= Eowyn

**Eomer**= Denethor

**Eowyn**= Theoden

**Theoden**= Eomer

**Gollum**= Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Five: Eodoras, Ithilien, and Everywhere in Between!**_

_With Leggy and Gimli..._

"This ground is squishy! I can't believe that I fell into some water that had some disgusting dead bodies back there an hour ago! I can't believe that I got dragged into some quest! I think I'm gonna go bald by the end of this from endless stressing! I can't believe it!" Legolas whines.

"Maybe he will go bald and we'll all get a good laugh out of it." Gimli mutters.

"Hurry...we're near Woods with Evil Rangersss..."

"Hey! Aragorn is a Ranger! Is he going to save us?"

"No, ssstupid blonde, evil Rangersss under a paranoid delusssional leader..." Gollum hisses.

"Oh, lookie! This sign says,_ 'Welcome to Ithilien! Visitors may be shot without Notice. Keep out, you idiot! Denethor II'_ Who's he?" Gimli reads.

"Who cares!"

"Anyway, let's go..."

"Hey, shouldn't we have made a pit stop at the black gate?"

"So I can fall off a rock? No thanks." Gimli says.

"Sorry, Mr. Crabby Pants." Legolas says.

"Hey, look! Another sign!"

"_'Hereby posted: Denethor II is now out of Office and has been Replaced by Eomer of the Mark. But You'll still be shot so don't try it, or the Old Steward's delusional kid will shoot you.'_ Hmm, that's nice." Legolas says.

"Who's the delusional kid?" Gimli asks.

Suddenly, an oliphaunt charges onto the scene and gets shot by many arrows.

"Ha, good shot, Capt'n!" says a Ranger.

"Yeah, it tried to kill us, didn't it??" Faramir asks.

"Yes, your paranoid delusional lordship." Says Ranger 3 (Me. Those are my only lines.)

"Hey, don't you detect a weird presence on the wind?" Asks Ranger 5.

"Maybe..." says Ranger 4.

"Hey, I told you there was something trying to kill us! I knew that oliphaunt was just a diversion! Didn't I say that?" Faramir asks.

"Yes, your paranoid delusional lordship." Says Ranger 3.

"Ok, so let's check out that other weird presence!" says Ranger 6.

Soon, they find Legolas and Gimli!

"What are a dwarf and an Elf doing in Ithilien?" Faramir asks.

"Er, trying to kill us?" Ranger 7 suggests.

"I knew it! Didn't I say that?"

"Yes your paranoid delusional lordship."

"Take them to...The Headquarters!!!" Faramir says.

_Meanwhile, at Edoras before Aragorn's arrival..._

"How the hell am I supposed to get into a stupid dress?" Denethor asks, trying to stuff his arms into Eowyn's dress.

"Hey, don't ask me." Eowyn says, trying not to laugh and looking out of place in Theoden's outfit.

"I can't believe I got your name!" Denethor mutters, getting one arm into the sleeve.

"Hey, remember that Grima has a crush on you!"

"DANG!!"

"Hey, you picked the name!"

"I wish you didn't join...gah, this is stupid." Denethor yells, getting the other arm into the other sleeve.

"Be sure to sit with your legs together and be polite. And if Aragorn shows up, you have to crush on him. It's in the book!"

"DANG! Aragorn is a GUY and Grima is a GUY and I'm a GUY and people are going to think things!" Denethor screams.

"Any questions?"

"Yes, little miss I'm-all-cool-I'm-a-king. Does this dress make me look fat?"

"Well, yes it does! You really should wear a jacket with that, no one would ever know." Eowyn says, laughing.

"Thanks a lot. Give me the biggest jacket in this stupid city."

"Here, Mr. Crabby."

_A few hours later..._

"Hey, Wizard Sam, is that Edoras?" Frodo asks.

"No, Frodo, that's a rock."

_Five minutes later..._

"Is that Edoras?"

"Rock."

"Can we play some other game?" Pippin asks.

"We're not playing a game."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"I wanna be free...like the wind on the water...and the leaves on the trees...so let me beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" Boromir sings.

"Why does he keep singing?" Pippin asks.

"Maybe because he should be dead by now but he isn't." Sam suggests.

"Well, is that Edoras?" Frodo asks.

"Yes! Frodo! You finally did something right!"

So the four pull into Edoras.

"Ok, where's little Ms. I-Need-My-Heart-Broken? I want to get this over with!" Boromir says.

"Hey! The palace!"

"I feel like I should say something about cheer and a graveyard, but I can't remember it now..." Frodo says.

So they jump off their horses and walk up the steps of the palace.

"Er, you can't come in so armed, man." Hama says.

"Well, fine, Mr. Negative." Pippin says, and everyone hands over their weapons.

They walk into the hall, and Sam still has his staff because he threatened to kill someone with it if they didn't let him in with it.

"Theoden, man, how're you?"

Eowyn looks up.

"Hey! Gandy! I haven't seen you in ages!!!" She shrieks.

"Dear lord! She's the one whose heart you have to break, Boromir! But if she's the King, then who's..."

And Denethor comes out in a dress and jacket, looking very P.O.ed and upset.

"OH MY GOD!! You're EOWYN??" Sam screams.

"WHAT THE HECK? I HAVE TO HIT ON MY DAD??" Boromir yells. Denethor yells nearly the same thing at the same time, except instead of 'dad' he says 'son'.

"This was unexpected." Pippin says.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Boromir and Denethor say at the same time.

Eowyn just laughs.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK YOU'RE CUTE!" Boromir and Denethor say at the same time.

"Er..."

"YOU'RE LIKE THE UGLIEST THING EVER TO WALK MIDDLE EARTH!!!" Boromir and Denethor scream.

"You...you think that about me?" Boromir asks.

"Well, in a normal circumstance, if you were my son, I'd think that you have a good chance with the ladies. But if I'm the lady you're supposed to be liking, then I'd have to say that." Denethor says.

"This was about the weirdest thing since I became Legolas." Pippin says.

"I'm scared!!" Frodo whines.

And so began total insanity in Rohan with Boromir hitting on his dad and Denethor hitting on his son. Weird, eh?

* * *

A/N: Well, that was the best thing I've ever written, if not the funniest! I can't believe I made Fari a paranoid, but I suppose after living with Denethor, he'd have to be. So, drop me a nice, long review so I can laugh and at how you though this chapter was. Be sure to tell! I want your opinion!! HAHAHAH!!!!! (Evil laughter)


	6. Even More Hitting on Family Members and ...

A/N: Ok, here I am with more! See? Told you! Didn't I? Oh, well. Anyway, enjoy!! Hooray for Ranger 3 who's got the best line ever! Ha, no...sugar!!!! CHOCOLATE!!! Yep, my magic supplement!

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** = Gimli

**Gandalf** = Pippin

**Gimli** = Sam

**Legolas** = Frodo

**Merry** = Merry

**Pippin** = Legolas

**Sam** = Gandalf

**Denethor**= Eowyn

**Eomer**= Denethor

**Eowyn**= Theoden

**Theoden**= Eomer

**Gollum**= Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Six: Riding to Helm's Deep and The Headquarters!!**_

_At The Headquarters (which really has a name but I don't care)..._

"Well, are you here to kill us? Didn't I say they'd probably be?" Faramir asks.

"Yes, your paranoid delusional lordship." Ranger 3 says.

"Ok, you, the shorter one, what's your motive?"

"To destroy an evil ring, your wackiness."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that...anyway, blondie, what's your motive?"

"Same as the short one, except I really don't want to be here. I wanna go hoooooooome!" Legolas says.

"Wow. Maybe they're not here to kill us!" Faramir says.

Ranger 3 faints from the shock of what he just said.

"What?" Faramir asks.

Ranger 3 gets up and looks dazed.

"Ok, man, can you let us go?" Legolas asks.

"Sorry, blondie, but you have to come with us."

"Where?"

"H2."

"GASP! The Secondary Crime Scene! I saw something like this on CSI: Mirkwood! We can't go with them!" Legolas says.

"Er, unfortunately for you, you can and you will." Faramir says, going from paranoid to evil. Ooh, evil Faramir!!

"NOOO!" Legolas screams. Faramir and his rangers march the group out of the caves and towards H2, also called Osgiliath.

_Meanwhile, in Edoras..._

"I can't believe how twisted this story got!" Denethor moans.

"Hey! Read from the script!" Eowyn screams, tossing a large book called, _'SCRIPT: ADSOL'S Way'_ at Denethor, who picks it up and reads out if it.

"Ahem. 'My Lord Aragorn! You're very handsome and I don't think I can live without you! Swoon and faint...' what?"

"You only read the stuff in normal print, not italics!" Eowyn yells.

"OK, ok, sheesh." Denethor says.

"Try again." Eowyn says.

"'Lord Aragorn! You're very attractive and I love you! I think I'll die if you don't love me, so let's get together and go for dinner! Is Friday night good for you...'" Denethor faints from what he's reading.

Boromir is standing there getting paler by the moment and now looks like parchment.

"Er, Boromir?" Pippin asks.

"I...don't...feel...well." Boromir says quietly.

"I wouldn't either, if I had to go through what you are." Eowyn says.

"Well, whatever, Mrs. King." Boromir says.

"That's no way to talk to the King!"

"Yeah, well I'm gonna be king of all Middle Earth, so pah!" Boromir says.

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm back. Aragorn, kill me now so I don't have to suffer." Denethor says.

"Sorry, but I think that that'd be against the books..."

"SCREW THE BOOKS!!" Denethor yells.

"I never knew you felt so strongly..." Pippin says.

"Ok, I really think we should all go to Helm's Deep..." Eowyn says.

So they all ride to Helm's Deep.

* * *

A/N: Yes, kind of short, forgive me. Review, dears, and get the magic Elvin Fizz: Drink of the Sugarhigh! Don't tell me you don't want that...hehehehe!! Yay! Er, I'm sorry for scarring your lives with images of Denethor in a dress and hitting on his son...it's wrong of me, I know...but I don't care!!


	7. Hitting on Family Members part 3 and oth...

A/N: Hi, I'm back with this story, yeah! Let's all have some Elvish fizzy stuff (10 parts sugary soda and 90 parts sugar) and enjoy some weirdness, incest, angst, humor, what have you, it's all here! I think.

* * *

_**Chapter Seven: Osgiliath is Frozen!! Pre-Battle of Helm's Deep! What's an Ent? **_

_On the road to Osgiliath..._

"Nooo. This was NOT supposed to go this way!!" Legolas whines.

"Hey, has anyone see that gangrel creature that was stalking you two?" Faramir asks.

"Er..." Gimli and Legolas say.

"SURPRISE!!" Faramir says, pulling Gollum out of a hat! Literally.

"Nooo!! Ssstupid Rangersss, they hurtsss usss!" Gollum whines.

"Shut up, creep!" Says Ranger 5.

"Hey, where are the flames? Isn't Osgiliath supposed to be burning?" Asks Ranger 2.

"Yeah! I don't get it!!" Ranger 4 states.

The group moves closer to Osgiliath. Suddenly, Faramir makes the best observation ever since...er...something.

"DEAR LORD!! OSGILIATH IS FROZEN!!"

_Meanwhile, with Merry and Gandalf..._

"Hey, Treebeard, can you tell me..." Merry starts.

"CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET, HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET!!!!" Gandalf sings.

"What, little Hobbity dude?" Treebeard asks.

"Er, can you tell me what an Ent is?" Merry asks.

"Aww I wanted to get to Sesame Street!" Gandalf moans.

"Shut UP!!" Merry and Treebeard yell.

Gandalf mutters something and starts to cry.

"Sheesh."

"Ok, Master Merry, an Ent is...a...thing...that looks like a...tree...except it moves around...and talks...and is not a tree." Treebeard explains.

"Well, I do believe that that just made me more confused than I previously was." Merry says.

"MY HEAD HURTS!!" Gandalf screamed.

"CHEESE IT!!" Merry yelled, giving Gandalf a bonk on the head with his little Hobbit dagger.

"Owww..." Gandalf moaned, falling into a deep slumber.

"Good. Now, can't we go to Isengard? I mean, that's his line and all, but seeing as he's temporarily dead..."

"No, dude, we've got to follow the books!!!"

"Yeah, but those Rohan People are already at Helm's deep!!"

"DANG!"

"And the Frodo people are already at the ruined Osgiliath! They sped ahead!!!"

"CURSE THEM!!"

"Ok, so let's speed ahead, as well!"

And so they jump ahead to the Entmoot, not caring about books or movies or what have you.

_Meanwhile, at Helm's Deep..._

"How'd we get here so fast?" Denethor wonders.

"Hallelujah for time jumps!" Eowyn says.

"AAAH!! THE ORCS!! THEY'RE COMING!!" yells a slightly beat up Boromir.

For reference, the battle with the wargs has occurred ("DIE YOU STUPID CREATURES!!!") and now everyone's at Helm's Deep. Eowyn has cried for Aragorn ("You mean he's dead? That's WONDERFUL!!!") and now it's time for the battle!!!!

"Ahhh! He's BACK!!" Denethor screams, running towards the caves.

"GET BACK HERE!!!" Eowyn yells, grabbing Denethor.

"Dang."

"Alright, what does the script say?" Eowyn says, smiling.

"Ahem. _'Lord Aragorn! Can't I fight with you? I mean, come on, I love you, you know it, let's get married and fight until we both a) die or b) kill each other from the stress of two warriors living in one house.'_" Denethor reads.

"CURSE YOU ADSOL!!!!" Boromir yells, going pale.

"HAHAHA!!!" Eowyn laughs.

"Isn't there more?" Pippin asks.

"_'Why don't you command the others to stand beside you? It's not fair! You must hate me!! But that's Ok, I'll keep on loving you! Love cannot be broken, love cannot be defeated, love cannot die, it lives on and on and on...'_"

"ARGH!!" Boromir faints. And just then, a horn sounds somewhere...

* * *

A/N: Ah, yay! More is on the way soon, so hang in there!! Hang in there, people! It's coming!!! Curse the evil cliffie!!


	8. Some exciting pointless stuff

A/N: I'm back! Isn't it amazing? Yep, I'm living through Algebra, the spawn of Satan, but it's not easier, and now I have to learn American History. Yes, it's fascinating. Tell me, why do I care about the Backcountry? I DON'T!!! Anyway, enjoy!

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** Gimli

**Gandalf** Pippin

**Gimli** Sam

**Legolas** Frodo

**Merry** Merry

**Pippin** Legolas

**Sam** Gandalf

**Denethor** Eowyn

**Eomer** Denethor

**Eowyn** Theoden

**Theoden** Eomer

**Gollum** Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Eight: Osgiliath: Citadel of Ice and The Battle for Helm's Deep, Part 1**_

_At Helm's Deep..._

"All right, so we've got Elves. We've got Elves. DAMNIT, WE'VE GOT ELVES!!!" Boromir screams, running around on the wall screaming bloody murder.

"ER, can you calm down?" Pippin asks.

"HEY! Elfie! Tell these other Elves that they've better fight their asses off, got it!!" Boromir yells.

"Fine. You've better fight your asses off, got it?" Pippin says.

"Wow! Hey, those above words are in ELVISH!!" Frodo says. (Yes, I know, they aren't but I've got an Elvish font, so pretend, will you?)

"Wow...man, Frodo, you're dumb!" Pippin says.

"Hey! I am NOT!!!" The two get into some little fight and come out looking abused. Or something.

_Suddenly..._

"HOLY -------------------! URUKS!!" Screams Rohirrim #100.

"HOY CRAPADA!!!" Boromir screams. (Something really weird I made up at midnight)

"What did you just say?" Pippin asks.

"Er...In all honesty I don't know." Boromir says, looking at the heavens, which are currently crying (rain) and getting rain drops in his eye. "OOH! OW! AHH!! EEEE!!"

"What's his problem?" Pippin asks, turning to Frodo.

"Dunno, mate." Frodo says, comfortably lounging in the arms of several female Elves who have managed to get into Helm's Deep.

"WHAT THE ----- ARE THEY DOING HERE??" Pippin screams, chasing them off screen. As they run, they drop Frodo.

"OWWW!!!"

"Aren't you a Dwarf?" Pippin asks, looking after the Elvin Girls.

"Well, yeah, but Galadriel thought I was cute..." Frodo says.

"YOU LIE!!!" Pippin yells.

"NUH-UH!!" Frodo screams.

Boromir is busy arguing with Haldir over how to set up, while the Uruk hoard is standing there, talking about Pamela Anderson, Jessica Simpson, and Hillary Duff.

"Hate to break it up, but shouldn't we FIGHT???" Eowyn screams.

"Right! Ok, Uruks, HAVE AT US!!!" Boromir screams.

"This'll be good." Says Uruk #9,999.

The Uruk hoard advances on Helm's Deep.

_Meanwhile, near Osgiliath..._

"My god, Faramir, you're taking us to some grungy city? Are you insane???" Legolas asks.

"Wow. Halflings sure are talkative." Faramir muses.

"SHUT UP, LEGOLAS!!!" Gimli roars, shaking the earth and sending the birds out of the trees.

"My Valar, Gimli, are you trying to kill us all??" Legolas shrieks.

"Er..." Gimli says, holding back laughs.

"I KNEW IT!!! I knew that you were gonna kill us all! What did I tell you?" Legolas screamed.

Suddenly, Ranger 5 pulled out Gollum from behind a shrub.

"Captain Faramir, dude! Look at this weird lookin' dog!" He says.

"We isss not a dogsss, preciousss, we isss Gollum. Gollum, gollum!"

"We get it, you're Gollum. Ok?" Asks Ranger 4.

"Well, preciuosss, we isss Gollum. Gollum, gollum!"

"WE KNOW!!" Everyone yells.

"Well, rarrr!" Gollum says.

The group heads onwards to Osgiliath, or gets closer than they were a chapter ago.

"What are people gonna think? Osgiliath is a Popsicle and I'm in charge of it!" Faramir moans.

"There, there, it's ok." Ranger 3 says, as Faramir sniffles inconsolably.

"Hey! Y'know what you gotta do when life gets bad?" Legolas asks.

"No...sniff...no." Faramir says, looking up.

"Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, just keep fighting, fighting, fighting! What do we do we fight, fight..." Legolas sings.

"You know, Lego-pants, I was never a true fighter. I fight not for the joy of killing, but rather to defend." Faramir says.

"Well PHBBT!!" Legolas says.

"Y'know, you're so insensitive, Elfie. Shame on you! Shame, shame, know your name!!" Gimli says.

* * *

A/N: Ok, check back for more exciting battles and pointless humor! You know you love it!!!


	9. Some stuff that's weird and no one cares...

A/N: Ok, here we are with 'checking back on' requests for Theoden, Denethor and Aragorn, all by request. Yeah! It's a long chappie, it's a make up chapter from all the stuff I missed and that.

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** Gimli

**Gandalf** Pippin

**Gimli** Sam

**Legolas** Frodo

**Merry** Merry

**Pippin** Legolas

**Sam** Gandalf

**Denethor** Eowyn

**Eomer** Denethor

**Eowyn** Theoden

**Theoden** Eomer

**Gollum** Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Nine: Checking back with Merry, Gandalf, Theoden, and Denethor. And Aragorn is here!!!! And Haldir, too, I suppose, if you really care. And Battle Scenes!**_

_Somewhere in Fangorn Forest..._

"I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout. When...." Gandalf sings. Can you believe I forgot the words? You can? Good.

"Why must you do things like that, Gandalf, that make it seem imperative that you have the antics and IQ of a simple 3 year old?" Merry sighs.

"Well, Merry, why must you use large words that a person such as I can't comprehend?" Gandalf shoots back.

"Oh, yes? And can you comprehend such a word as, oh, acquitted?" Merry asks.

"Of course! Can you come to grips with gravitational pull?" Gandalf yawns.

"What about facing inertia?" Merry questions.

"And how about being ambidextrous?" Gandalf retorts.

"Do you support antidisestablishmentarianism?" Merry says.

Silence.

"Well, do you?" Merry asks.

"If I knew what you meant, I'd have an answer." Gandalf says.

And so Merry and Gandalf passed the days in Fangorn. But then there was the Entmoot that they had 5 days ago. It went something like this:

"So, wadda you wanna do?"

"Be a peacemaker!"

"Well, can't we go to Helm's Deep or whatever?"

"Stupid hobbit, no!"

"Hey! OK, TREE-DUDE, WE ARE GOING TO HELM'S DEEP AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE A DETOUR AT ISENGARD!! OK? LET'S GO SOUTH!!!" Gandalf screams.

"Fine!" Treebeard and many other Ents say.

That was Entmoot. Yeah...so Merry, Treebeard, and Gandy are goin' to Isengard!!

_Meanwhile, with the Rohan people..._

**The Following Scene was Recorded 2 days ago for sake of time and viewing pleasure**

_Title Card: Pre-pre battle of Helm's Deep, with Eowyn (Denethor), Aragorn (Boromir) and Theoden (Eowyn) and other people who don't really do much but are there anyway. And anything in italics (like so) is script or A/Ns that I put in. So, yeah!_

"Ok, so I'm Eowyn and I just found out Aragorn fell off a cliff. YAHOO!!" Denethor screams.

"Er, actually, I'm right here." Boromir says, leaning against the wall and chewing gum.

"My plans never work!!"

"Ok, anyway, say your stinkin' lines!!!" Eowyn yells, tossing a book at Denethor.

"No! Not the script! Not the script according to ADSOL!!!" Denethor cries.

"Fine! But you gotta read it normal! Or something." Eowyn says, musing on her words.

"Ahem. _'Lord Aragorn! I'm to be sent with the women and children into the caves!'_ Sounds like the Bachelor pad! Sweet! Women and me? DUDE!!" Denethor says.

"'_That is an honorable charge.' _Why must you think that way??? And anyway, what woman in their right mind is going to...er...well, you're wearing a DRESS!!" Boromir screams.

"'_To mind the children and find food and bedding when the other guys arrive! What honor is there in that?' _Why do I get the stupid lines? And anyway, you don't know what's under this dress!" Denethor snaps.

"'_My lady, there may be a time for valor without renown!' _Well, that just sounded perverted and sick and eew!!" Boromir says.

"'_You don't command the others to fight! Can't I fight beside you so I can save your life and then we can be king and queen of Gondor?' _So? At least I have IT!!" Denethor says.

(a/n: Ok, the following stuff not in italics is really weird, I thank 2 boys in my class for the idea. So if you've got a weak stomach, turn away!!!)

"'_As much as I'd love that, which is small, very, very, small, I already have a fiancée named Arwen. Didn't you wonder why I've got a necklace on??' _What are you implying, I don't have it?" Boromir questions.

"'_Oh. I always thought you were a few grapes shy of a fruit salad, that's why you wear the necklace.' _Yes, I am implying you don't have it. You know, it?" Denethor says.

"'_How dare you! I am NOT a fruit salad! And besides, I think there's some relatively hot guy named Faramir in Gondor and you'll end up with him.' _Oh my GOD!! IT!! You mean childbearing properties (as said by some guy, though not so politely)!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!" Boromir screams, walking off.

"'_Fine! Be an idiot! See if I care if you get yourself killed! I won't cry at night about it!!' _Well, fine, be that way! And if you think that I'm gonna thing Faramir is hot...forget it! I'm not about to have 2 cases of incest on my part!!" Denethor says, storming off.

"For some odd reason, I don't think that went the way it should..." Eowyn says.

**Back to Reality and the Real Time!**

"Ok, so we're all here, right?" Boromir asks.

"Check!" Haldir, Pippin, and Frodo say. Other Elves reply in Elvish.

"Ok...have at us, foul villains!!!" Boromir screams, as the battle for Helm's Deep begins.

_Meanwhile..._

"Hey, mon, check out de party in de islands! Everybody jam!!" Aragorn says, as some dead Elves, dwarves, hobbits, and men are having a beach party in the Islands, complete with beach, volleyball, sand castles, and everything else needed!!

* * *

A/N: Ok, next we'll write about Legolas and Gimli and the actual battle. Hooray! Review if you want, it'll make my day.

Ok, this story is winding down, about 5 more chapters, probably, and then we'll get into RotK! I think I'll call it...I have no idea. I have to think up something witty. If you've got an idea, tell me!!! And as a bonus (and because this is too fun) there's gonna be POST-ROTK!!! Like, fourth age stuff with all our pals!! And the next chapter is gonna have a visit with ARWEN and ELROND!!! YAY!!!


	10. Helm's Deep and other funny stuff!

A/N: Here we are with exciting chapter TEN! And I've got a name for RotK when I get there: The Reverse of the King! Aha! See what I think up at midnight? Anyway, we're gonna explore wonderfully frozen Osgiliath and enjoy a long section of the Battle of Helm's Deep! Hooray!! I lied. Elrond and Arwen are coming NEXT! I swear!! They are! They rate their own chapter, so this story is gonna be 12 chapters instead of 11. Happy?

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** Gimli

**Gandalf** Pippin

**Gimli** Sam

**Legolas** Frodo

**Merry** Merry

**Pippin** Legolas

**Sam** Gandalf

**Denethor** Eowyn

**Eomer** Denethor

**Eowyn** Theoden

**Theoden** Eomer

**Gollum** Gollum

_**Chapter Ten: NAZGUL!! Helm's Deep!!! Battle images!!**_

Tagging along with Faramir and the Osgiliath gang... 

"Oh my god! It's raining! IT'S RAINING!! MY hair is RUINED! I'm SOGGY! Who on EARTH wants a SOGGY ELVISH PRINCELING???" Legolas whines.

"I'm sorry, the irrelevance of your question has been noted, thus making me unable to answer it." Faramir says.

"Can you answer ANYTHING? You've said that for the LAST 12 HOURS!!!" Legolas screams.

"So? Anyway, all you've been asking is beauty questions! Maybe it's because I grew up in a normal house, but NO ON in my FAMILY except my MOTHER who DIED wore MAKEUP!!" Faramir screams.

"What?"

"NeverMIND!" Faramir screams, stalking away towards Osgiliath.

"Now you pissed him off!" Ranger 3 says.

"What?" Legolas asks.

Meanwhile, with the Helm's Deep Crew... 

"All right, Frodo, I mean, Gimli, if you die, I'll carry your remains." Pippin says.

"What?" Frodo asks, looking pale.

"I mean...let's just...er, fight?" Pippin says.

"Who's bad? Huh?? WHO'S YOUR DADDY???" Boromir screams.

"What?"

"I'm BAD, I'm SEXY, and I'm a LEAN, MEAN, KILLING MACHINE!!" Boromir screams.

"He's scary!" Frodo says.

"Ok, Uruks, you goin' DOWN!!" Boromir says.

"Er, shouldn't you be yelling in ELVISH??" Haldir screams.

"Right! Ok, Tangaldo Haid!" Boromir yells.

"Wow. For a pathetic human he speaks Elvish pretty well." Says Elf 200.

"Lethio I Phillinn!!" Boromir screams, as a rain of arrows rains down on the Uruks.

"Wow. Good shot, Pippin!" Frodo says.

"Thanks."

About 30 minutes later... 

"Hey! Pip! How many've you killed?" Frodo yells.

"Er, lemme think...about 18?"

"WHAT? CHEATER!!"

"Yeah? Well, I have 30 so pah!" Boromir says.

"HOW?" Frodo and Pippin yell.

"Because I'm a fighter!" Boromir says, doing a spin move and chopping the Uruk.

"What a man!" Breck sighs from the sidelines. Wait! What??

"Er..." Breck says, dancing away. Yeah...

"Anyway..." Pippin says, shooing off more arrows.

"20" Pippin says.

Meanwhile, with Gandalf, Merry, and Treebeard... 

"So, we're going to Isengard??"

"Yep."

"Good. Can't wait! It'll be sooo much fun!"

"No it won't."

"Yes it will, Merry, don't be a pah."

"A what?"

"A PAH. Pah." Gandalf says.

"Ok..."

Back to Helm's Deep... 

"Anyway, this makes...36!" Pippin says.

"25! No fair!" Frodo says.

"50!" Boromir screams.

"That man got SKILLS!" Breck screams.

"Yeah?? OH, YEAH??" Frodo screams.

"What?"

"I'm sexy! I'm cute! I'm popular to boot! Who am I? Just guess!" Boromir says.

"Yeah...?" Pippin says.

Everyone resumes the fighting.

"This is cool! I love this!" Eowyn screams.

Meanwhile, in the caves... 

"They're breaking in!!" screams Terrorized Woman 3.

"Really? Great! Everyone's gonna DIE and I can get OUTTA HERE!!" Denethor says.

"WHAT?" Everyone else asks.

"Er, I mean, that's a shame...I sure don't want that!"

"CROSS DRESSER!!!" Screams someone.

"AHH! AM NOT!!"

"Then why are you wearing a dress? Unless you're a queer!"

"A WHAT? Woman, do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

"A queer?"

"NO! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor, and unfortunate picker of the name Eowyn in this stupid little game."

"That's a happy thought."

"I'm happy. All the time. Oh, yes." Denethor moans.

"AAAAAAH!!"

"What?"

"I have no idea."

"OMG!! They're INSIDE!!!!"

Denethor lets out a girly-man scream and runs around.

Meanwhile, back on the wall... 

"65!"

"40! DANG!"

"103!"

"Curse you, Boromir!"

"Why?"

"I DUNNO!!"

"Well...whatever..."

Suddenly, an Uruk with a torch runs around, trying to find the hole.

"Togo han dad, Legolas!" Boromir screams.

"What?"

"Bring him down! Kill him!!" Boromir yells, giving Pippin a kick.

"All right! Sheesh!" Pippin says, firing off an arrow into the Uruk and killing it.

"Er...." Everyone says.

With a planned charge, the bomb blows up and everyone on that part of the wall is blown away, but not blown up. And we suddenly hear...

"I'm FLYING!!"

"Shut UP, FRODO!!!!"

A/N: Enjoy? Leave a review, and tell me other stuff you'd like to see! This story is winding down, to be followed up in THE REVERSE OF THE KING!! And then to be followed with FOURTH AGE REVERSALS! And other great stuff!


	11. Misadventures with Elrond, Arwen, and Ar...

A/N: We're back! And now for our special and pointless-to-the-plot Arwen and Elrond chapter, with a bit of Aragorn thrown in on the side! Oh, yeah! Party! Ok, you asked and I gave! This is the second to the last chapter, the last being the next, and the THE REVERSE OF THE KING!!! sha!

**

* * *

Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** Gimli

**Gandalf** Pippin

**Gimli** Sam

**Legolas** Frodo

**Merry** Merry

**Pippin** Legolas

**Sam** Gandalf

**Denethor** Eowyn

**Eomer** Denethor

**Eowyn** Theoden

**Theoden** Eomer

**Gollum** Gollum

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven: Adventures With Elrond, Arwen, and Aragorn in 'De Islands'.**_

"So, Ada, what do you want to do?" Arwen asks Elrond, sighing.

"Maybe its time to have a serious discussion about your life, Arwen. I mean, you're a young woman now." Elrond says, pacing the room.

"But, Ada, I'm 16!"

"Arwen, you and I know you're almost 3,000! Come on, dear, you're just about hiting maturity!"

"I thought I was mature!" Arwen screams.

"Yes, dear you are, but please! Now, this Aragorn, what do you see in him?"

"That he's super cute and dreamy and hot..." Arwen whispers.

"Arwen! Be for real!"

"I am for real, ADA!" Arwen yells.

"CALM DOWN!!" Elrond screams.

"Why're you yelling? Don't yell!" Arwen says.

"Ok! Anyway, just go over the sea and leave us all in peace!" Elrond yells.

"What?"

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!!"

"I DON'T HAVE ONE!!"

"THEN GO OVER THE SEA!!!"

"Hey, mon, what's wit all de yellin? We gotta be peaceful, mon!" Aragorn interjects.

"Aragorn? I mean, Boromir? You were dead!!" Arwen says.

"He's Boromir?"

"Yep, Ada, remember your little 'game'?"

"Oh, the memories of that night are flooding back to me!" Elrond says.

"Wasn't that when you got drunk?" Arwen asks.

"ARWEN!"

"Sorry, Ada." Arwen appologizes.

"So, mon, what are you doin today? It is a beautiful day in de Islands! Come wit me, mon, and we'll party!" Aragorn says.

"Ada, can we go?" Arwen asks.

"Well, as long as we're back before 10, you know Auntie Galadriel gets SO MAD whenever we're out past 10..."

"Auntie Galadriel? I thought she was your mother-in-law!" Aragorn asks.

"Eh, whatever, it's all the same."

"IS NOT, ADA!!" Arwen yells.

"Now, Arwen, is that any way to behave?"

"Er..."

"Just as I thought."

"Come on, mon, de party be over before we get der!" Aragorn says.

"Ada, Boromir is bugging me!" Arwen pouts.

"Oh, shut up, you're such a flake!"

"ADA!"

"Sorry, Arwen, dear, but I had to say it."

"Well!"

"Anyway, Aragorn, er, Boromir, how do we get to 'de Islands'?"

"You follow me, mon, and we get der!!!"

So the three jump into a time warp and into 'De Islands', where other Dead People are having a beach party.

"Hey! It's Gil-galad! Hey, Gil!" Elrond says.

"Dude! Ada, is that your freshman buddy Elendil?"

"I have a strange feeling that Isildur is lurking around..."

"Ada! It's Celebrimbor!" (I really don't care if he died or not, he just is now!!)

"Hey! Look, it's Balin! Balin?"

"What? Ada, how'd a DWARF get in here?"

"Well, how'd Isildur get in here??"

"I think this is a scam, Ada!"

"I don't think this is Elf Paradise!!"

"No, mon, it's de Dead Island! No one livin except you two mon."

"Aaaaaaaaa!" Elrond screams.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" Arwen shrieks.

"I wanna go hoooooome!" Elrond wails.

"It's creepy here!!!" Arwen yells. "Boromir! How COULD you drag us here??"

"Well, mon, you said you wanted to come, mon!" Aragorn says.

"Well, we're leaving!" Elrond says, jumping back through the time warp thing.

"What?" Aragorn asks.

"Well!" Arwen says, stepping through the time portal.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, it was weird, and crazy, but STILL! It was good. I think. Anyway, we've got one last sum-it-all-up chapter and then we're into the Tri part of the 4-part story. Yeah. Something like that. Review, mon cheries!!! Or something French like that. I guess.


	12. The Final Chapter

A/N: Hey, everyone! I've decided to finally finish up this story so we can move on to part 3! Isn't that spiffy? It's not. Ok. Anyway, we're all going to have some fun and all that. To be continued in...**THE REVERSE OF THE KING!!**

**Boromir**: Aragorn

**Frodo** Gimli

**Gandalf** Pippin

**Gimli** Sam

**Legolas** Frodo

**Merry** Merry

**Pippin** Legolas

**Sam** Gandalf

**Denethor** Eowyn

**Eomer** Denethor

**Eowyn** Theoden

**Theoden** Eomer

**Gollum** Gollum

**

* * *

**

_**Chapter Twelve: The Battle for Middle-Earth is about to...go completely down hill. **_

The Battle for Helm's Deep has been won, in part by Sam riding down a steep slope with Theoden and company behind. Boromir, Frodo, and Pippin have just decided that the only way to celebrate is to go back to Edoras to have a wild 'n crazy party. So, that's just what they're about to do...until everyone's favorite cross-dressing steward shows up.

"You WON? Now I've lost 2,000 dollars in the bet! I though you were gonna lose!" Denethor yells, wearing a lovely dress that he really wasn't meant to wear.

"Wow, dad, I'm so happy to see your genuine concern and care for your eldest and most beloved son's life." Boromir says.

"Yeah, and if we lost, you wouldn't even get anything, know why? You'd all be DEAD!" Pippin screams.

"Jeeze, hobbit man, take a chill pill!" Denethor says.

"I WON'T!!!" Pippin screams, walking away.

"Anyway, can't we all get on with our lives? I mean, dad, me, Frodo, and Pip are planning a wild party in Edoras. I mean, come on!" Boromir whines.

"Talk it over with his majesty herself over there." Denethor mutters.

"She said yes."

"Than what are we waiting for???"

So everyone decides to ride off to Edoras.

_Meanwhile, with the others..._

"At last we're leaving this grungy city!" Legolas whines.

"Keep your shirt on, dude." Gimli says.

"Why? All the ladies want to see me topless! And you know what? I think I'll let them have their birthday wishes!" Legolas says.

"NO!" Faramir screams.

"Why? It's what they want..."

"It's not what they want. Somewhere in that twisted little brain of yours, you think that's what they want! Well, it's not! OK? Everyone wants to see GOLLUM TOPLESS!!" Faramir screams.

"But he already is!" Legolas whines. "They all want to see me!"

"Do not! That's a lie! Besides, the Gondorian Women's Magazine did a 'Who Would You Like to See Topless?' article, and DENETHOR WON!" Faramir screams.

"EEEEW! That's SICK!" Legolas screaches.

"Keep your pants on!" Gimli interjects.

"Are you suggesting the ladies want to see me in the nude?" Legolas asks.

"Eeew! Now that's disgusting!" Gimli says.

"At least it's not GOLLUM in the nude!" Faramir says.

"Now that is truly sick and disgusting!"

"Why are we having this conversation?" Gimli asks.

"Er, good question!"

"Yeah, Faramir, maybe you should just let us all go...or something." Legolas says.

"Aww, man! You were the best person to capture, you pansy elf!"

"Haa, he's got you there, Legsy! He's got you there!" Gimli chortles.

"He calls you 'Legsy'?" Faramir asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Gimli! What on earth is wrong with you?? You...dwarvsie...you..." Legolas shrieks.

"Now that was stupid." Faramir says.

"Whatever, man, can't you just let us go? I mean, come on! I love this city and all, but some other time!" Gimli whines.

"Whatever. Hey, where's that annoying little freaky friend, Gollum or whatever his face his?" Faramir asks.

"We isss right heresss, you idiot." Gollum hisses.

"Aren't you nice? Well, I'll just drop you off at this tunnel...and if you harm one hair on that Elf's head..." Faramir says.

"Aww, doesss Ranger feel attraction for Elfie?" Gollum wheezes.

"EEEEW! How about NO!" Faramir screams, drop-kicking Gollum down the tunnel, which Legolas has already started down.

"See ya, man. Keep the Elfie in line, and give him a good punch for me." Faramir says.

"You got it, dude!" Gimli says, walking down the tunnel.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!! IT'S DAMP AND DISGUSTING IN HERE!" Legolas whines.

And with that, we come to the close of the Two Towers.

* * *

A/N: There you have it! We're on the last chapter! Hooray! It's time for the next installment! Look for it sometime soon! Review, me hearties!


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